Lessons on Rage from a 4 year old

       Something's shifted in Nally and it's been hard to put a finger on it. She's more cognitive, and she looks deep into your eyes as if trying to sense the sincerity of your motives. She's sassy and full of attitude. She lays threats of "not wanting to be my friend". The other day, she threw this huge tantrum and said "Well i don't want to be your friend! "and then like the English weather turned, smiled demurely and said ".. but I still love you " she looks at me demurely.  "... and Jesus loves you". i swear it's like PMS hormones in a 4 year old. 
     Her independence has been accompanied by insistent requests for companionship -- be it drawing, or walking, or holding my hand. Something's wrong with the picture of 5 hand-free adults, and me struggling with 2 children in both hands just because they want "mommy's hand". My husband says I should be flattered, I say, there are some jobs that should be outsourced. 
      Day 4 of Jet Lag wars, Nally wakes up like clockwork at 2 am in this full-blown rage. Baby boy starts to wail and I just lose it. Armed with episodes of Super Nanny in my head, i go out determined to draw the invisible boundaries of "staying in your bed". But something's changed. Even with my " no eye-contact" and " low tone of voice", Nally keeps popping up. She seems to like being thrown back in bed repeatedly. She screams to disproportional degrees and now I am fantasizing about this slow motion vision of me knocking her out in a boxing ring. 
     Then suddenly, it occurs to me that what is upsetting my child is our disconnection. 
" Nally, i know it's hard to go to sleep. We are all having problems sleeping  but it's not ok to scream like this " 
" But I call and you call and you don't come."  The lament is plaintive.
" Was that you? That sounded like a large, scary monster with no words. He stamps his foot and moves things around in your room. Listen to Aidan he is so scared he probably thinks there is an elephant out here." 
She listens intently. 
So I get her my soft sweater and I wrap it around her, saying how it's like a hug from Jesus and me. 
I sing her the song from her Chinese school about the little rabbits that don't open the door unless they recognize their mommy's voice and I tell her that's how i feel. 
" You don't sound like Natalie. My Natalie uses her words. So I'm scared, I close my door and I say i'm not coming out " 
She listens. 
" But if you use your words and say "Mommy I need a hug" I will be more than happy to come out!" I promise. " So I'm going to go in right now and tell Aidan it's not a monster and I will come back and check on you. But no more monsters when I leave the room ok ? " 
" Ok " she smiles bemused. 
" You can think about all the things you want to do with Gong gong tomorrow " 
" And you can think about things too " 
" And we can let him choose "' 
She smiles. 
We blow kisses. We say " I love you" as I walk all the way down the hall. 
I hold my breath and get in bed. 
Silence.
It's a miracle. 
Welcome to the world of 4 year olds.

02:59 AM | Permalink